From my room, I could the owner busily chopping vegetables as she prepared dinner for her husband and baby boy. For 6 weeks I have lived here, in a strange space between a house share with a family, and feeling slightly voyeuristic, observing their life without actually participating in it. I hear the kisses she gives her son everyday when they come home, and his cute gargling laughter; I hear the endless baby talk. I hear the low hum of discussion over the dinner table; them laughing at sitcoms on TV; the water running when they wash the dishes. I hear when they retire to their bedroom, the click of the door and subsequent silence.

As I take that as my cue to come out for a midnight snack of cereal, I can’t help but feel like I’m a negligible entity who has injected themselves into a family’s life. Even though I am paying rent, they are very pleasant, and this is purely a formal sublease agreement, I feel both a strange sense of loneliness and guilt at being present.

Well, never fear. As this was just a short-term arrangement, I’ll be moving out this weekend.  

As I sit here letting the Chillout music wash over me, seep into my weary soul and ease my body, I remember the times I first listened to this mix. I sat in my childhood bedroom, turmoil in my mind about my future, but constantly comforted every time I looked over at the loyal, white dog that slept near my feet, and thought about the girl far away I knew adored me as much as I did her, and felt the deep love flood into my heart for both of them.

Now a year and a half later, in a stranger’s room, I’m listening to this mix and still uncertain about my future. But the two things I loved, that brought endless comfort to my aching heart, are gone forever. One left me unwillingly but inevitably, called to Heaven. The other left me by choice…her heart no longer belonged to me.   

What is faith in God, after all, but believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse?
Philip Yancey

Her

Just watched the movie Her, and found it very well-written and deeply moving on many levels. There were some great quotes in there too; some of the ones that left an impression on me:

"Sometimes I think I have felt everything I’m ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I’m not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt."

"The past is just a story we tell ourselves."

"I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It’s a crazy thing to do. It’s kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity."

"You know what, I can over think everything and find a million ways to doubt myself. …I’ve just come to realize that, we’re only here briefly. And while I’m here, I wanna allow myself joy."

"It’s like I’m reading a book… and it’s a book I deeply love. But I’m reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you… and the words of our story… but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world. It’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much. But this is where I am now. And this is who I am now. And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can’t live in your book any more."

What’s cool: Free riding down a slope on your bicycle.

What’s not cool: Catching the curb and semi-stacking it in front of two cute girls at the bus stop.

And also the swollen bruise I have on my ankle now.

I was having dinner the other night with a Japanese girl I met when I was working in Japan, who has been over here in Australia for a working holiday for a year now. At one point we were discussing her life here, and she said “before I came to Australia, I didn’t really like Chinese people, but now I’ve come here and met some and I realised they are really nice.”

I smiled widely and said, “Good.”

But deep inside, I was so pleased that she had revised her views and multicultural Australia had provided her the platform to open her mind and engage in true international exchange. It further proves that one shouldn’t judge or have predispositions against people they’ve never interacted with on a personal level.

Given the tumultuous history between China and Japan, little things like these are a step in the right direction and deeply encouraging. At the end of the day, it’s the people that are going to change the relationship between countries, not hard power and verbose politicians.

我只是难过不能陪你一起老
再也没机会看到你的笑。
It just hurts that I won’t be able to grow old with you.
That I will never again get the chance to see your smile.

(Source: gleeandgleek)

(Reblogged from kssadiy)
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
点亮一支蜡烛总比咒骂黑暗要好。
And God said, ‘Love your enemy’, and I obeyed Him and loved myself.